Delays

When I accepted the job, today was the day we were hoping I'd be getting on a plane to leave. Instead, I have a visa interview in Chicago on Friday, I won't get my visa until next Tuesday, and the main branch of my school has to do another interview with me before I leave, but that might not happen until next week. So, I'm still here. Don't get me wrong - that's a good thing because I'm spending qualit time with family and friends, but it's also frustrating to think about missing the first days of class with my students and having to play catch up, and generally being uncertain about my travel plans. I don't like uncertainty, or surprises. I can't help but feel like this uncertainty will lead to: surprise! Get a ticket and get on a plane within a period of 24 hours! I'd like to at least know a few days in advance so I can get a ticket and be planning for that departure. Hopefully that will work out, but I guess if it doesn't, there isn't much I can do other than go with the flow.

I packed all of my clothes on Monday, because I thought maybe they'd want to expedite everything and still have me out by today. Nope. So now there is a huge suitcase of clothes in the middle of my room. It's looming there. It will keep looming until sometime next week, because I don't have the energy to unpack and repack everything. I feel great animosity towards it's intrusion on my otherwise neat room. I feel a similar animosity towards the other piles of papers and things to sort through that are currently surrounding me on my bed as I write this. They were sitting on my desk, but with the suitcase on the floor I couldn't bear the sight of more of my clean surfaces covered, so tonight I will sort through these and get them out of my sight at least.

I think that's been the hardest part of the prepartions for me - making a mess in order to clean and pack. Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate it when my space is out-of-order. It literally feels as if I can't use it when it's in this condition, and it makes it harder for me to sleep because I don't like to fall asleep when my room is disorganized. On the bright side, I've been sorting and cleaning for about three weeks now, and am nearing the finish line. My material life is packed away in boxes, or sitting in piles to be sorted and packed in the next few days. When it's done I will be free! I have labeled the boxes. I have recorded the contents of the boxes in Word documents. I have set up my room so that it can be used as a guest room, and neatly shelved books, movies, photo albums, etc. It is the most thorough and fulfilling sorting I have done in five years. I have gone through everything I saved over the years, and it was very cathartic. I have given away or thrown away enough "stuff" to fill many boxes - boxes that used to just sit around, waiting for me to get home from Interlochen or Ithaca to deal with their contents. Finally, I have dealt with the layers of "memories," thrown away notes I saved from friends in middle school, given away clothes I haven't worn in years, and recycled magazines I won't ever read. Ok, the last one isn't totally true. I saved a lot of magazines in case someday the news I'm living through turns out to be worth something to someone else...but the more frivolous ones are gone.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough about my cleaning streak. The point is, it feels amazing to know exactly what I "own" and to know exactly where everything is. I can't wait for the last piles to diminish, leaving behind only clean surfaces, so I can leave behind a clean slate.